he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
