matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
