Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
