she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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