So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
