I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
