actually, I'm a sock model
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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