so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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