Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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