It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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