I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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