I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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