i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
