and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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