don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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