how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
