I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
its liver damage thursday
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
