Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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