ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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