Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
