will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
