my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
