brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
