True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
