she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
