We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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