yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
