We're like a lot better than the average bears
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
