so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
