I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
