We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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