I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
