Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
