batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
