You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
