Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
