the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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