Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
