Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
