glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
