dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
