I'm lost and stupid without you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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