This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
