The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
