im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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