so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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