We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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