The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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