help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
