I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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