thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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