I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
