We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
