i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
